Friend...... kind of interesting how the word has morphed in recent years.
Last Friday, I got together with a true friend...... almost 25 years ago, I was the Best Man in his wedding. We had been buddies in college; both of us were hard working, academic, inherently shy. And we shared a common love for volleyball - we had adjacent dorm rooms our first 2 years, overlooking a courtyard that had a makeshift volleyball net strung between 2 trees. All it took many days after dinner was a simple "You playing?" from either of us, and we'd be down there until it got too dark (and sometimes even longer). During our senior year, we were both Resident Advisors at a dorm, and the games continued.
In intervening years, our paths diverged - I moved to New York and eventually to multiple spots in California for school and work..... got married a few years later, but have enjoyed with Shelley the life of relative independence that comes with being "kid-less". Conversely, my friend established roots quickly, marrying his college sweetheart within a year of graduation, becoming a father to 5 kids, living in one town in the midwest since getting his first job. Two very different lives, no doubt about it.
Over the years, we hadn't talked much - a few conversations here and there, and while we have been friends on Facebook for a few years, neither of us are highly active (him less active than myself..... with a wife, 5 kids, and a job, that doesn't leave much time).
About 3 weeks ago, I got a call out of the blue - he was coming to San Francisco for a couple of days for work, and while he had work commitments, we'd be able to get together for a full day until he flew out in the evening. He was staying in San Francisco (115 miles away), so it was a bit of a drive..... but I was happy to do it. We wandered around San Francisco for about 7 hours.... not a resident, maybe we didn't see the best "finds", but that didn't matter. We got great time to catch up. Well over 20 years of separation didn't matter - it was like we hadn't missed a beat. Talking about family, hopes, dreams..... all that cliché stuff. And it was real.
That's a friend.
Got a text this morning. It read, simply, "Hey! Thinking of you, hope you're enjoying retirement....." It was from a guy who I'm meeting for lunch one day in March. And we're both going to have to drive somewhere around 70 miles, just to spend a couple of hours together.
That's a friend.
It's funny how Facebook, in particular, has influenced our idea of what a "friend" is. If you're like me, you have a bunch of connections called "Friends". But are they all really friends? In truth, I could probably divide them up into a few categories:
- Friends (I mean, actual friends)
- High school or college acquaintances that you likely "friended" when you first got on Facebook, but probably don't really communicate with
- Work acquaintances that you would happily get a beer with
- Work acquaintances that you kind of have to be friends with..... you know, it would be awkward if you turned down their friend request
- Family members, some of whom you may or may not always see eye-to-eye with
- People you met through somebody else (such as your spouse), but don't have a real relationship with
- People you met through Facebook, such as playing a social game
I recently trimmed down my list of "Friends" in Facebook somewhat..... not hugely. But I realized that there were some folks who I just didn't really have a connection with. But I did keep a couple of people who, though they fit in the categories above, really have a category all their own:
- "Dumpster fires" - those people whose lives look so messed up that you can not avert your eyes..... and fortunately for the voyeurs, they post just about every detail of them.
Hopefully I'm not somebody's dumpster fire. Maybe I am, who knows.
But I'm happy to have the friends that I have.